My Hurricane Head: April 2005

Posterior Haberdashery

"I think the audience that watches reality TV has a coliseum mentality. They are cheering for the lion, not the gladiator. I don't know at what price we're prepared to pander to that audience. But anything that is degrading to them, or humiliating, or holds them up to public ridicule, none of those things are going to be acceptable," he said.

Now you may read that quote and think, "What's so bad about it? He's just decrying the dumbing down of American entertainment." And if you were referring to "Trading Spouses" or "Who's Your Bitch?" or any of the other pap put on by Fox, you might be right. But the really, truly stupid thing about that quote is who made it, and in reference to what.

Who: Bob Arnhym, director of the Miss California Scholarship Pageant.

What: Regarding the possibly of "Fear Factor"- or "Survivor"-ing the Miss America pageant.

Why: Apparently, the Miss America pageant is currently without a broadcast outlet, due to the fact that its ratings for the past several years have continually declined. Things are so bad, in fact, that there is the possibility of no Miss America pageant this year.

You may wonder why this has my dander up. And the reason is simple: the man who doesn't want to "pander" to the reality TV audience is...drum roll...the scholarship director for a BEAUTY PAGEANT! He gives college aid based (primarily) on who is or isn't pretty. Now I know there are other factors involved in beauty pageants, like talent and the interview and so forth. However, in recent years the pageant has shortened or eliminated the talent portion, and moved the interview to an off-camera format, therefore broadcasting pretty much ONLY the beauty portion of the pageant. Don't get me wrong -- I'm not one of those prim idiots that thinks beauty pageants are demeaning to women. I feel that the women involved do so by choice (mostly), and there's nothing wrong with celebrating their beauty. But for someone to get all up-in-arms about the association of Miss America with reality TV is asinine in my opinion. After all, technincally speaking, wasn't Miss America the first example of reality TV? So what if they don't eat bugs or marry the homeless? It's an unscripted television show with contestants competing for a prize in front of a national audience. If that's not reality TV, I don't know what is. What do you think Donald?

Trump: "Bob Arnhym, you're a loser. You hang around with losers, you become a loser. I bought Miss USA, and it's doing great because of me. I bought it for one million, and now it's worth five million. And Melania will be competing next year. It's gonna be yooge."

(Trump appears courtesy of NBC and his own gigantic ego.)

The truth about Halloween candy

"'Candy corn,' I think. 'Corn that tastes like candy. I can't wait....SONOFABITCH!!'"
--Lewis Black

Guerilla Comedy

If you've spent any time at all on teh intrawebs, you've heard of one guerilla comedy troupe or another. Maybe it's the Surveillance Camera Players, who perform short plays in front of...you guessed it...security cameras, both for comedy value and protest value. Or perhaps it's Improv Everywhere, whose most recent performance was putting a "bathroom attendant" in the Times Square McDonald's. Hilarity, wackiness, tomfoolery, and good bathroom hygiene ensue.

But taking things one step farther on the creative scale is Prangstgrüp. They did one of those anti-Bush ads for MoveOn.org (featured on the site). But mostly they do true guerilla comedy. The two stand-out performances (that I've seen so far; haven't had time to work through the whole site yet) are Reading on a Dream: A Library Musical, and Reach! A Lecture Musical. The gist is that the performers enter a public, university related setting, and perform a "spontaneous" musical. Hilarity, wackiness, balderdash and dancing ensue. There is a noticable lack of leg warmers.

On a side note, breakdance for Jesus, ya'll! Also, taking candy from a baby, TO THE EXTREME!! Also? Barbie pulls a Britney Spears.