Finally, the time is at hand...

Superman Returns

Three things what I'm f*cking tired of, and one thing what I can't wait for

Hey boys and girls, it's time for a look into the illogical and bizzare workings of Inner Me!

• Thing I'm F*cking Tired Of the First: I'm a Superman fan. Big time. So the imminent release of Superman Returns has me all giddy and awash with nerdy fanboy giggles. Every time I see an ad on TV, I rewind and rewatch it six or seven times. Every time I see a trailer at the theatre, I punch the person next to me in my comic-boner rapture. That shot of the bullet hitting Supes' eye and flattening? Gives me chills every time. In short, I'm excited. But every one of these ridiculous articles speculating about whether or not Krypton's Last Son is gay? Is like a big ol' kick to the nuts. I'm genuinely glad that gay recognition/acceptance/rights in the US are, while still not ideal, improving more and more each year. However, the appropriation and revision of the world's greatest superhero (shut up, JT) into a gay icon really gets my ire up. I would have no problem with it if there were any indication in the entire history of Superman that he might be gay; however, Omar's "Gayest Look of the Episode" aside, there is absolutely none. Please, please, please...be aware this isn't an attack on the homosexual community in any way; it's an attack on historical revisionism, which I cannot stand in any form. (And yes, that's me, and it's what I wore to work today. It's how I roll people. How. I. Roll.)
  

• Thing I'm F*cking Tired Of the Second: I'm a secret fan of celebrity gossip. It's fun for me, evil as this sounds, to see the haughty and self-important brought low. Yes, I know I'm only fueling their egotistical fire by reading all these silly little "news" items that pop up on the webternet. But's it's fun to giggle at their follies. That said, I cannot stand all the alliterative phrases used in celebrity news/gossip. Any time the Olsen twins are referenced, it's "Mini Moguls" or "Teen/Twin Titans" or "Homeless Aping Coke Fiends" (that last, non-alliterative one might be mine). But the worst, the one that makes me wanna drown puppies in the chocolate milk rivers of paradise, is "baby bump". Any time a female celebrity's stomach swells beyond washboard or skeletal, she MUST be pregnant, because of the g*dd*mn "baby bump". Just say she looks pregnant, for God's sake. Or, say what you're REALLY thinking, and call her fat. 'Cause Lord knows, we need more of THIS unholy mess.

• Thing I'm F*cking Tired Of the Third: Meaningless work banter makes me violent inside. The other morning, I decided I wanted a Pop Tart (mmmmm....Pop Tarts) with my coffee. So I went to the vending machine, bought my twin pack strawberry Pop Tarts for a dollar, put them in the toaster, and waited for the pseudo fruity goodness. While I hovered over the toaster, a coworker came in to prepare her morning repast. She looked over at me as I was pulling the Tarts from the toaster, saw my little gems of morning fruit delight, and said, "Having some Pop Tarts?" In my morning mind haze, all I could respond with was a grunted "Mm." She cheerily wished me vast enjoyment of the Tarts, and I proceeded on my way. On my way out the door, however, I was stopped by another coworker, who glanced at the beautiful little fructose confections, and said (no lie), "Pop Tart time, eh?" Only later, when two cups of coffee had cleared the cobwebs from my brain, did I realize the missed opportunity. "Big gulps, huh? Cool! Well, see you later!"
  

• Thing What I Can't Wait For: I'm not gonna overdescribe this one, except to point out that IT EFFING TALKS, PEOPLE! I've not done anything especially good in my life lately, but I feel, somehow, that Jesus is rewarding me. Me and all the other fanboys out there. So with out further ado, I present to you...Star Wars Transformers.

That sound you just heard? Was millions of nerds screaming, like little girls mind you, for joy.

If you're gonna hit it, hit it quick!

Good day to you all, dear readers. I have a few small items on which I would like to discourse, so I beg your indulgence in these, my few paltry words. In other words, tie on yer readin' hat and grab yer ass for some Quick Hits!

• My plan for my impending smoke stoppage has finally been put into action. Monday was the first day of Phase I, which involves no more smoking during work hours (so basically, no smoking prior to 5:30 PM). Phase II begins June 19, when I will limit myself to 10 smokes/day, and decline by 2 per week, which has me to zero by July 24, my intended first full day of no smoking. I'm sure you all find this infinitely interesting. [/snark]
  

• In TV news, Everwood ended its four year run this past Monday. Most people who know me know I'm an unabashed WB fan. More of the shows I watch with any regularity are on that channel than on any other. I'm intrigued and a little excited by the merging of the WB and UPN into the CW, but some of the renew/cancel decisions boggle the mind. 7th Heaven is back? Really? That show sucks big old donkey balls. You may be thinking that statement is a bit graphic and over the top, but watch the show. You'll see. Everwood was notable in that it was a family centric show, but it dealt with life in a MUCH more realistic manner. Dr. Abbott performed abortions to live up to a promise he made to his father, and because he felt that women deserved the choice, but he hated himself for it. You don't see that kind of complex life situation every day, and certainly not on 7th Heaven. So boo to you, CW, for killing the one family show that made people think.

• Looking for something to fill a few minutes of down time? Then you should definitely check out Silent Library. This show is in the fine tradition of all Japanese game shows (that I've seen), in that it involves a bizzare premise and, at times, over the top punishments for losers. It's really a quite simple concept. Six players read a chart which names the awaiting punishment. Then six cards are dealt facedown on the table. Each player randomly selects a card, and the one with the skull card has to accept the punishment. It's that simple. Oh, there's also the fact that this all takes place in a "library", so the players have to be as silent as possible. It's kind of awesome.

• In related library news, check this out. This video has the dubious distinction of showing possibly the worst news report ever, as well as being simply a gross story. People, man...people.

• The first Wednesday of every month, we have a division wide meeting at 8:30 in the morning. The executive directors decided to start providing breakfast every time we do, which is a nice touch. Last month it was just pastries and juice. This time it was the full deal - eggs, bacon, hash browns, coffee and juice. The day before, my executive director sent around an email reminding us to be here on time Wednesday morning, because we were going to get a "hot breakfast!" When I read that, I immediately thought, "A sexy breakfast?!" Clearly, I've been reading too much Dinosaur Comics.

• Many thanks to all of you who read and commented on the story in the last post. After reading all the comments from here as well as a forum on which I posted it for additional feedback, it looks like Ending B is the clear winner. I will either edit the original post to show the final version, or repost once I find out the results of the contest. Actually, yeah, I'll do the second one. But again, thank you for your comments. They truly helped.
  

• Something for you to ponder: What is it with people in an office environment and popcorn?

• Game 1 of the NBA finals starts tonight. Support your Mavs!

• And finally, a little eye candy to close it out: Jenny Lewis, bitches.