Thursday, August 19, 2004

Thanks for the offer, but I'll pass.

I speak to a lot of weirdos every day. Most of them are a bit on the whiny side, but some of them are just plain weird. And being weird by nature the things they say are, by necessity, weird as well. The other day I was leading this student back to my office to answer whatever repetitive and mundane questions he might have. As he's walking (directly behind me), he suddenly blurts out, "I like the way you dress, sir." Now I know there's no inherent harm in that comment. But what a very strange thing to say to someone you've never met, and who has the potential power to cancel your enrollment for the term.

It reminds me of a time in college when I was sitting and chatting with a female friend of mine. I believe I was complaining (big surprise) about how ill-fitting some piece of clothing I had was. She asked me why I thought it fit badly, to which I responded, "I don't know. Maybe I'm shaped funny." Now of course I meant this to be filled with wit. A joke, if you will. But her immediate response was, "I like the way you're shaped." I realize I can' t really express emotion or subtle nuances of speech through the modern miracle of the keyboard (NOW IN ITALICS!!), but I wish I could express the oozy quality this statement had. 'Cause it did. Ooze.

I like compliments as much as the next guy, but why do mine always have to be so strange? And occasionally from freaks? Like when a shrill and slightly annoying girl (who wore about a gallon of Vanilla Musk perfume every day; I still hate the smell of vanilla) told me I had "bedroom eyes" while we sat in our university's chapel. And what, exactly, are bedroom eyes? I've wondered that ever since I heard it, but no one seems to be able to give me a concise answer. Does it mean, as I suspect, that I look like I just woke up (probably)? Or that I make people desire to be in the bedroom with me (doubtful)? Or that my eyes smell like mothballs and plastic clothes hangers (don't I wish)?

God I'm bored.


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