Thursday, June 02, 2005

Tom Cruise: That's some tasty crazy!!

From Television Without Pity (TWoP for those in the know):

While I would much rather be recapping Tom Cruise jumping his own self-made Scientology-loving shark on Oprah, dragging Katie Holmes out against her will… All right, I will recap it. Quickly. Here it is: "Look! I love women! I love me some vagina. Look. Look how I chewed Katie's lips off with my hetero-love-passion! Check it out. I love black people, too! Oh, yes. Black women. Tina Turner gave me roses, that's how motherfucking vagina-loving my shit is. I'd friggin' wear a vagina if I could, but in a really manly way. Intense? Hell yeah, I'm intense. Look, I help people. I'm known for that. I'll get your kids off Ritalin if you just donate a billion dollars to The L. Ron Hubbard Home For Terrible Sci-Fi Fiction and Freaky C-List Yeardley-Smith-Level Celebrities. See, I told you I was known for helping people. You know what else I'm known for? Fucking gay porn stars and then suing the balls out of their mouths when they come out with the story. What? Yeah, my children are black? Fuck you, Oprah. How dare you even notice something like the color of someone's skin. That's how fucking non-racist I am. I didn't even know my kids were black. I thought they were very tan. You're black? See! I didn't even know that! Now I'm going to stand on your couch until you get me some vagina right the fuck now!!! Go see War of the Worlds, opening June 29th! And then go hump some vagina, cuz that's what I'll be doing!"

Courtesy of Stee, who is one clever fellow.


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