Fun with newspapers!

Headline from today's SMU Daily Campus: "Smoke-filled Cinco Center teaches lesson"

"Hello class, I'll be your new professor, Cinco Center. You can call me Mr. Center. Today we'll...wait, does anybody smell that? No? Okay. Anyway, today we'll be discussing *cough cough* the movement of quantum particles in an *cough cough* excited state. As you can see from the *cough cough cough* diagram on the *cough cough*...okay, seriously, nobody smells that? Is something on fire? Wait, why does my leg hurt? Oh, my...OH MY GOD I'M ON FIRE HELP SOMEBODY PUT ME OUT OH MY GOD THE PAIN THE HUMANITY OH MY GOOOOOOOODDAAGLAHSDGASDHGADHGHHG....."